My Rules

I haven't been updating my blog quite as regularly as I normally do and the reason for this is graduation fever. Symptoms include spaztic outbursts, tearful breakdowns involving digging through the trash looking for the scrap of paper that you wrote your university number on only to discover that you had already written it in your planner back when you were a normal, stable person, and the defining symptom general insanity.  So I have not gotten around to my blog. But I have gotten around to reading " Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination" by Helen Fielding, the same author, by the way who wrote the Bridget Jones books. I think it is sad that at seventeen years old I feel as though I can relate to Bridget Jones. Not the lifestyle but the cynicism (not always, sometimes I am just a regular ray of sunshine). Anyway, Olivia Joules is a freelance journalist with an " Overactive Imagination" ( no shit) and she goes to Miami on business and becomes convinced that the creator of a face cream is a terrorist when he advises her not to go on a boat the day before it blows up. And because she doesn't buy his french accent. I get this chick. My mind is a mile a minute; when I was fourteen I was convinced that this random guy in a restaurant with me was a criminal and that he was staring at me and was going to hunt me down and kill me. Which is a little bit over the top. I have mellowed out quite a bit since then but I still have my moments of irrational paranoia. She's an awesome heroine because she is quirky and scattered but she is also resourceful and independant. She keeps with her a survival tin and a few spy "essentials", such as a bug tracker disguised as a calculator and an invisible ink pen (the usual). She also has a set of life rules, which, by the way, happen to be very good rules. I need to start following rule number one. I especially like rule number 2,10,11 and 15.

1. Never panic. Stop, breathe, think.
2. No one is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you.
3. Never change haircut or color before an important event.
4. Nothing is either as bad or as good as it seems.
5. Do as you would be done by, e.g. thou shalt not kill.
6. It is better to buy one expensive thing that you really like than several cheap ones that you only quite like.
7. Hardly anything matters: if you get upset, ask yourself, "Does it really matter?"
8. The key to success lies in how you pick yourself up from failure.
9. Be honest and kind.
10. Only buy clothes that make you feel like doing a small dance.
11. Trust your instincts, not your overactive imagination.
12. Wehn overwhelmed by disaster, check if it's really a disaster by doing the following: (a) think, "oh, F*&% it," (b) look on the bright side and, if that doesn't work, look on the funny side.
If neither of the above works then maybe it is a disaster so turn to items 1 and 4.
13. Don't expect the world to be safe or life to be fair.
14. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
15. Don't regret anything. Remember that wasn't anything else that could have happened, given who you were and the state of the world at the moment. The only thing you can change is the present, so learn from the past.
16. If you start regretting something and thinking, "I should have done..." always add, "but then I might have been run over by a lorry or blown up by a Japanese-manned torpedo."
So, I thought about what my set of life fashion rules would be. I really like a lot of different styles but there are a few rules that I do have and that I do live by.

1) Keep it classy. I do not need to see anyone's ass or boobs. I am sorry, I don't care how proud you are of your goodies. Leave something to the imagination. Thongs above the jeans is the worst. I remember when people were doing that. The point of a thong is so that it doesn't look like you are wearing underwear. No one needs to see you flossing.

Excuse me, your thong is showing. Oh you knew that. Did you also know that you look like a skank?

2) If you ignore rule number one and still decide to dress like a tart then have the goods to back it up. Dress for your body and wear something flattering. Don't wear jeans that are too ridiculously tight. Not only do I not want to see your muffin top but I don't want to revive you when you pass out from lack of circulation.
3)Do your bag and shoes some justice. If you dress like a scrub (we all do it sometimes. Sweats and yoga pants are just comfier) then do not wear heels or an extremely flashy bag. It grinds my gears when people show up with stategically messy hair, sweats, an old shirt and then a gorgeous bag. Do not embarass the bag.
4) Head to toe knockoffs. You aren't fooling anybody. I have zero problems with knockoffs. I like knockoffs. I own a few actually. However one only needs a touch of flashy faux labels. If you keep it to one it looks much more elegant and believable. If you wear them head to toe you look cheesy and ridiculous. Like those rapper wannabes with the giant clock necklaces and rhinestone encrusted bling. I will come off my high horse and admit, I have done this before. I carried a fake Coach bag and a fake Prada bag at the same time when I was going on a trip and I looked ridiculous, as my mom kindly pointed out to me. It's just cheesy and makes one look like they are trying way to hard.
5) Coloured animal prints. Excuse me while I go vomit. This is without a doubt, the easiest way to look cheap. Just saying coloured animal prints paints a picture of a peroxide blonde, oompa loompa orange, fake tanned, big boobed chick with Dolly Parton hair and over the top plastic claws. It looks tacky. I am not a fan of animal prints anyway, but I think they can work sometimes ( shoes, sometimes bags and I saw a leopard print cardigan once that wasn't repulsive).  But if it's coloured it looks ridiculous. The same rule applies to camoflague. Are you hiding in a hot pink jungle? No? Than what are you doing. Although I don't like camoflague either way.

Ew.

6) If you are sexy on top, be modest on the bottom. If you are sexy on the bottom, keep it modest on top. If you have a lot of cleavage than wear jeans or keep the skirt below the knee. If your skirt is really short cover up the boobs. Don't give away the farm.

Dace Moore's clothes are always flirty without being overt.

7)Tights are not pants.

Looks trashy to me.

8) Socks with sandals, socks with flats, socks with heels. Don't wear socks with shoes that shouldn't have socks.
9)Dress age appropriate. If you are a grown woman don't wear your fourteen year old daughter's Hello Kitty t-shirt. If you are fourteen don't dream big and wear something to mature for you.
10) Neon coloured pants of any kind. I just think it's really unflattering. A neon coloured bum is not cute.